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Sometimes I feel like George Costanza. These days specifically because I don’t really have steady employment, and in thinking about other jobs that I might like to have I slowly come to realize that I’m grossly unqualified. Take for example Friday night when I went to see a show at the Empty Bottle and I thought to myself, aloud, slightly to my friend Wes, “Oooh! I love these guys’ dance moves, and I really like their music, but I think maybe they might have too much going on, and they should probably work on honing their stuff into a more clear direction.” Wesley said, “That job title would be called producer.” “Of course!,” I said, and then I was going to say, “I could so totally do that!” But I stopped myself, because no, I couldn’t. I have no musical training aside from listening to it, and occasionally playing it, and going to shows and talking about it… from the business aspect I know nothing about the bleeps and bloops of today’s electronic jams, or what sells to people other than myself.

Earlier that night we watched an episode of “Southpark” and I thought, “I want to write for this show,” and then I proclaimed to the room, “One day I will work for Trey Parker and Matt Stone.” How I will do that, I have no idea, but I will – for them or SNL. Last night I googled, “how to work for Trey Parker and Matt Stone” and came up with a lot of fan pages and not much else. There goes the ability to be someone’s research assistant; I need to learn how to search again, maybe throw in a + or something. Or maybe I need to start knowing people who do things and stuff.

Then last night, before I googled employment with Trey and Matt, I went to an open mic, and let me tell you, there was some definite burgeoning talent up on that stage. Funny, theatrical, musical geniuses performing under the soft red lights. And as I sat there, taking notes about how the guy I was on a date with probably stole cars, I thought, “I could be a talent scout! I have good taste. I like things people like. I give great suggestions to people.” But again, I don’t know how to do that. Granted, I haven’t googled it yet, but I think it’s another thing where you need to know someone or have studied something pertaining to it.

Some day my job will come. Some day, I’ll find the one, and how beautiful it will be, living with health insurance and stability! (That was totally written to Snow White’s “Some Day My Prince Will Come” – duh.)

Until I find that perfect job I will stand behind bars and move through tables in the restaurants you frequent, and massage your aching body, and write in the dark shadows of shows when the inspiration strikes, and then have trouble reading said notes because sometimes it’s hard to write when you can’t see and scribble words on top of other words, and things like that.

Hey, have a good day, and send some cool job details my way. (Can I ride your coat tails?)