I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller...

South Korea, South Korea... you continue to amaze me in the ridiculous things that you do to achieve beauty, when most of you are already incredibly attractive! I don't get it! I thought it was bad enough that there are stories floating around about kids getting surgery so they have bigger, "more Western" eyes (to get a double eyelid), or having their jawbones shaved so their faces aren't so square. But this, this might be taking it a little far...

what are you sorry for?

Ellen and Jason (from my Elementary) continue to have problems. I came upstairs to class today and Ellen had Jason in a headlock - it was actually pretty funny, but I had to get all teacher-y adult-like and break them up. Ellen had tears streaming down her cheeks and rage in her eyes. After I separated them she kicked him not once but three times. "Ellen!" I scolded, but she just glared and cried. "What is your problem?!" and then, "Jason. What did you say or do to her today?" Silence from both of them, of course. I said I wasn't going to start class until I found out what was going on, but that was probably a dumb threat on my part seeing as how we had a spelling test today and, well, it's Friday, so come on. Anyway, after five or so minutes of prompting, I found out that Jason said something about killing Ellen on the bus on the way to school. For real!? Why are all my boys threatening all my girls that they are going to kill them!? But then Ellen started to explain more about what it was that Jason said to her, and it was something involving a king and how she was less than a king and he was going to kill her... huh? Maybe he was trying to teach her poker or some other card game. I don't know. It was hard not to laugh as I forced them into apologizing to each other - Jason for what he said and Ellen for taking matters into her own hands and beating him up. Man, these kids!

And then, to top it off, Jason made a gun out of rolled up paper and taped handles and extra cartridges on it and everything. Oh my gosh! These kids. I don't even know. Yesterday, Jennie's kid Leo threw a temper-tantrum and pushed her multiple times, all the while screaming and crying. I remember a day, not so long ago, when I thought that teaching Korean children would be a breeze compared to Statesiders. Oh, how wrong, how completely, horribly wrong I was. I suppose they have their moments, but they're pretty shocking a lot of the time. Another example, kind of irrelevant, but just to show you what a punk David is. Last week, David was eating this candy called, "Hi-Chew" in class, equivalent to a "Mamba" back home, but only one flavor per package. He's playing with the candy more than he's eating it, so I tell him to put his "candy" away, but then he says, "Teacher, it's jelly, it's not candy." And I say, "Yeah, it's candy." And then he says, "No, candy hard." And I say, "No, candy can be soft or hard, and jelly is jelly, not candy. In America, we call it gummy candy." And then the little smartass says, "Teacher. This Korea. This not America." And he won after that because I couldn't say what I wanted to say because I'm a teacher now. Just sayin'. TGIF, eh?

They aren't Children...

So a Korean co-teacher and I agreed after sharing stories about Alex. He's a two-face apparently. Olivia and Alex were arguing today, about who knows what, but all of a sudden - when I'm at the board with my back to the class, of course - Olivia comes and tugs on my shirt. "Kate Teacher." "Yes, Olivia." "Alex [and here she spits on herself]" "What?!" "Alex -" she gets ready to spit again, after wiping the first dribble off her chin, but I say, "Stop!" and then, "that's called 'spit' and what? Alex spit on you?" She nods. I turn to Alex. "Did you spit on Olivia?" A blank stare response. "Alex..." and then I ask the other kids, but Arthur and Danny were actually working, so I turned to reliable Roy and he nodded his head. So, Alex got sent to the 'Thinking Feet' (time out) and Olivia got two 'X's (strikes) because (A1 she hadn't been listening all morning) I had told her to stop taking Alex's book away, but she continued to do it even after Alex asked her to stop, but then he resolved to spit on her... so it goes.

Alex and Olivia have had problems in the past. During a break in Elementary this afternoon, I was recounting the story to a co-teacher and she was the one who mentioned Alex's two faced-ness. I guess he's been running around telling other kids he would kill them... in Korean. News to me! Yikes! He's a little angel with teachers, but turn your back and it's like Macaluy Caulken in "The Good Son" all over again! Sheesh.

Also, one of my Elementary students was drawing guns in class today; big guns, small guns, any type of guns. I complimented him on his artistic talent and then told him if we were in America he'd probably be sent to the principal's office and get a call home, but I stopped myself there because I suppose 9 is too young to be hearing about school shootings and stuff of that nature. I mumbled off with a "America has a problem with guns..."

Zombies and Why I Wouldn't Survive an Attack

I couldn't help but think about this as I walked home from doing yoga and eating yummy, tasty borscht at Elaine's house. Weird, I know. Zombies are something I think about on a regular - if not daily - basis here, in Korea. Maybe it has something to do with the fast-paced and drunken lifestyle over here (fast-walking, stumbly folks is what I'm getting at with that); the fact that I'm different from everyone and feel somewhat like I'm on the outside looking in (whereas if I were in Zombieland, I'd be on the inside looking out of barred windows, sweating and scared for my life); how sometimes, in the morning when I'm running, I'll hear the quick clip-clop of heels running behind me, and in not wanting them to pass me (them being business-clad men and [usually] women) I'll run faster and some part of my brain will turn it into a necessary situation... like outrunning zombies. Or, sometimes when I'm playing LIONASAUR with my kids in the playroom, they'll all be tugging me down and roaring themselves (basically acting like zombies), and that's when I get really scared because they have a good grip and they'd be all cute and confused-looking (because they might not know how they got turned into a zombie, or why they wanted to eat me) and that's the time when they would spring. I think about these things.

Oh. But the whole thing, besides all those things, that sparked me to think about zombies in the first place - well, the first place this evening (cause I was thinking about it in the playroom today, but we'll get to that, there's still time) was when I was walking home, in the dark (well semi-dark, this is "urban-ish" Korea, and the night is neon), next to a busy road, on a big, slightly dimmed sidewalk, and a woman sneezed not once, not twice, but three times that I heard in passing (there very well could have been more). That made me think about infection, and what isn't the ultimate infection, but zombie-ism? Right? Right. So I was thinking, what if this woman was a zombie? I'm a little tired right now, would I be able to run away? And, if I could run away, would I be able to run away right away, because I'd probably be pretty confused at first, and then maybe in my confusion, if I did run away, what if I ran into this busy road next to me and I'm hit by the traffic - which is a worry every day, I mean, I've told you about the crazy drivers here. So, enacting that scenario in my mind made me want to study up on zombies and be well versed in the subject so I could protect myself in case something of the sort were to ever happen (though, c'mon, I think it goes without saying that I'm joking right now... am I clarifying this for your sake or mine, that remains to be seen) and I thought back to the time when I saw David Sedaris in Kansas City, with my brother, Alex, and he read some from Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide and it was funny, but there were rules and tips, tips about survival - there aren't guns in Korea, so if an infection/invasion were to take place, what would I do? Then, in thinking about zombies... okay, so they attack people... is it because they're really hungry, or are they just like extreme Scientologists, trying to recruit anyone and everyone they can? I just don't know. Like I said, I'm not that well versed in zombie knowledge and I need to do my studying.

And then I thought about that movie Dawn of the Dead (that's the one with the little girl who eats the woman's husband in the bathroom in the beginning scene, right? because it's the dawn when it begins...) and that made me think of my kids being zombies (which again, like you read above is something that I think of sometimes), because today in the playroom, I was just being the regular ole Lion, and I ran up the "stairs" (red, yellow, blue smooshy-ish round log-like steps) after them, and started into the green tunnel so they would race down the bumpy slide, but then instead of coming out of the tunnel, I stayed in it y'see, and I turned around so I would surprise 'em if/when they came up the steps (of sorts). But, oh! They surprised me, because they all came up at once and my roaring didn't surprise them back down the steps as I thought it would, and they advanced on me so that I had to scoot myself backwards to the safety of the slide, but it didn't stop there because they were all trying to get through the tunnel to get at me, and they're roaring and pulling on my pant legs to keep me within biting distance, and this was just for fun and they probably weren't even trying that hard, but if they had been hungry zombies, I'm sure I would've been a goner! I have to say my heart rate was a little elevated until I was down the slide and able to stand up and regain my reign over them. Phew!

This is probably a bad idea to be A1 - writing/thinking about zombies before bed, and B2 - writing before bed, because now the juices are flowing and I'm gonna pull one of those, okay, time for bed, but oooh, this is a good thought, and thinking about that is making me think about this, and if I don't write it down now I'm totally not going to remember it tomorrow, and then before I know it it's going to be later than I want it to be. Also, no pictures included, because the A1 area and that website's audio has probably already done a number on my subconscious.

That's all. (hoping for no invasions tonight)

OLLEH! Turkey Day

UPDATES!! So much to say, and where to begin? I suppose I'll rant and ramble more than I normally do if I say everything at once, so I'll try to break them into different posts... starting with Thanksgiving - WOW!! How is already December 9th!?!? Ka-razy, cause this is Korea!!

When in Korea, eat Thanksgiving dinner with chopsticks  (check)

The Saturday following Thanksgiving, my friends, Elaine (a Canuck) and Patrick (a Brit), threw a Thanksgiving dinner party at their home - they're established here, and they actually have a really nice three bedroom, two story (well, private rooftop) flat. It was really nice. There were foreigners and Koreans gathered around a delicious spread with two Army base turkeys in the center. It being Korea and being a turkey dinner hosted by non-Americans (not to say no one else has Thanksgiving or other turkey-centered holidays) no one knew how to carve a turkey, we'd all just watched in the past. What to do? YOUTUBE!! Yeah, yeah. E and P's friend, Mike, did the honor.

There was sitting on the floor, and low lighting, and mashed potatoes, and pie, and fun times. After dinner and clean up we even played a round of Cranium; no Thanksgiving is complete without a board game or two. All in all I was really happy, especially since I expected the day to be full of tears and missing my fam. **Pictures to come as the bell for Elementary is soon to toll - or in my school's case, melodize.

Show and Tell and Kisses

The kids have taken a liking to kissing lately. Kisses. Lots of kisses (there are still hugs, but the kisses have been piling up). I still haven't figured out why they're doing it; I haven't pegged it to a certain time of day yet, though I have noticed it during Show and Tell more than during the Theme book half hour. Maybe it's because they're more free to run around and they know that playroom time is next. They always yell "Thank you, Kate Teacher!" in joy when I announce it's time to go to playroom, like it's something we never do (though we do it the same time every day, for the most part).

But the kisses. They're cute, at first. Danny usually starts, then Olivia joins in and eventually Arthur comes over, Alex and Roy might be playing with my hair - really, now that I'm typing all this, I realize they're just doing this as a distraction technique. Maybe they think that if they can keep me laughing long enough that I'll skip Show and Tell, and Potato, and skip on over to the playroom. Nope. Sorry kids, but it isn't going to happen like that! So, yeah, maybe you're wondering about how I said the kisses start out cute, but confused by how they aren't cute the whole time my face is being covered in little kids spittle - oh. You just got it, yeah?

(the germs, oh the germs; I can feel the snot bubbling and receding with the breath on my skin.)

It's awful, and you can't just wipe away a kiss, no matter how sloppy it is, that person is bound to be offended - I assume the rule is the same for kids. GROSS! I don't want your slimey kiss! is what a wipe always seems to convey. And it's true, I don't; I also don't what whatever sort of cold/infection you have that's making your snot a dark green/brown - ewww! And I have to blow their noses, and I know where they're hands have been; when Danny giggles and covers my mouth with his hands, it takes everything for me not to vomit. Okay, I'm being a little dramatic, but the gross factor outweighs the cute factor in this day and age of killer airborne diseases and no sick day options... just saying. Yeah, I still can't help but laugh, but in the inside I'm hoping and praying I don't catch whatever they've got.

xoxo

Math: much to my dismay, continues to haunt me to this day

I HATE MATH! I always have. From the time I was a little kid and my dad would quiz me on flash cards; I don't like flash cards, let alone math flash cards. I'm gonna take my time in figuring out the answer(!), I don't need this added stress. Man, oh man. Math, seriously = the bane of my existence. I cried during my freshman and senior math finals in college... I really did (I passed, just so you know)... but that's neither here nor there, well, it's there, but I digress.

Now, I'm a math teacher. Granted it's "kindergarten" math, but still. Oooh! Did you notice those sarcastic quotation marks? Yeah. Didja? I say this snidely because I recently started teaching my FOUR YEAR OLDS (Korean aged five, but Danny just turned, so he was three before? Nooo; three year olds aren't that verbal... are they? I don't know any babies outside of the ones I teach.) place values and counting by tens. Hello! For real?! They just learned how to count to twenty; can't even add, and now you want them to figure out the one's and the ten's placements? Oh! And they can't even understand what I'm saying for the most part. Math is universal, yeah right!

I can blame the stupid workbook we use as much as I want, but in reality it's my fault for not looking ahead and seeing that this would be impossible stuff for them to process. I should've taught them counting by ten's before the place value thing, and then maybe p.v's would've been easier? Oh, these shoulda-coulda-woulda shenanigans! Tomorrow, I'm scrapping what we've already learned - well, at least going back and building on the confused foundation.

Teaching place value was confusing enough, but today we had to "fill in the missing numerals," line one started out with 1  __  3  4  __  __  7  __  __  10 and line two jumped to the 30's then 70's on line 4, 50's on line 5, 90's on line 6, and so on in the confusion. WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!! That's not helping them learn the numbers, at all. Arthur was the only one who understood, and he flew through it. I spent the last 20 minutes flying around from Danny and Olivia to Roy and Alex, only to end with my head in my hands trying to think how I could re-work this; Danny said, "Oh!" with a sigh, Olivia whined, "Kate Teacher." Alex picked his nose and giggled, and Roy looked at me so sadly (I could see it coming) and burst into tears.

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH!!!!! I SHAKE MY FIST AT YOU!!!!!

'The Lion' Has Evolved

I can't remember if I started writing about the evolution of the Lion during playroom time, or not... There were a couple weeks when I wouldn't start Lion-ing it up right away and the kids would forget about me and play anyway, then someone would notice and me out, "Lion! Kate Teacher! Lion!" (around the time I started nodding off - I know! Not a good supervisor!) and I'd [shake off the sleep] pretend that I didn't want to play, only to spring up when they weren't looking and roar at 'em. One day we were sharing the playroom with another class, and some of those kids were being dinosaurs, so naturally, my kids wanted to be dinosaurs - so there were lions and dinosaurs! A few days after that, a few of my kids would ask me to be the lion, but some wanted me to be a dinosaur, so I became LIONASAUR!! They loved it. Then we started learning about farm animals and wild animals, and soon there were lions, dinosaurs, sharks, tigers, gorillas - anything that roared or was seemingly scary. Then one day we read a story about dragons, so dragons showed up in the playroom. Not only was the dragon loud, but he also had a new weapon of breathing fire (Alex would call out, "Me dragon." then he would run over to me and point to himself "Dragon, Kate Teacher." and point to his mouth, "Fire. Here." and then he would yell, "Fiyah!" in a kind of spray spitting roar). As the lion, I've gained multiple archenemies from the animal kingdom and mythical realm, including chomping sharks and spinning arms attacking dinosaurs; in addition to the already present Power Rangers, ninjas, and Batman/Superman/Spiderman combo of Alex, the weapons have evolved from "baow-baow" guns and "chang-chang" swords to squatting bombs and some sort of magic zapping power explosion... or something. My weapon is tickling, which isn't a really good weapon for me as it usually works against me because in tickling the kids, they get all spazzy and I usually (if not always) get kicked in the face. Kicking, pushing and hitting, on normal terms are NOT allowed in the playroom, or anywhere in LCI, or just ever - just an FYI, in case you were wondering.

I always look forward to what kinds of shenanigans will be pulled each day, but the playroom continues to be my favorite time of kindergarten. The time I don't have to pretend to be a serious teacher and most anything goes.

Bye. Bye.

Every day starts out with, "Hello, class!" or "Good morning, class!" followed by the respective response from each student, "Hello/Good morning, Kate Teacher." Throughout the day there are many times that call for a "bye-bye" from the students, followed by hysterical laughter. When we review flash cards, "bye-bye, ocean"; when we finish Phonics, "bye-bye, ponics" (note: h left out on purpose, though they're gradually getting better with their f sounds); when someone asks to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water, "bye-bye, so and so"; when we are cleaning up play time, "bye-bye, Koala Baby." And there are instances of "bye-bye" making absolutely no sense, like when we're in the middle of a story or talking about the weather, and everyone in the class gets a "bye-bye." There are also cases of the "no bye-bye," especially at the end of the day; I leave the kids at the elevator at the end of the day, waving from outside the box, and I say, "bye-bye, class! See you tomorrow." and one student might respond, "bye-bye!" but then someone (usually Alex or Roy) will throw out the "no bye-bye" and I'll hear a chorus of "no bye-bye! no bye-bye!" to which I pretend to cry, then race down to the fourth floor so when the doors open there I pop out from the side, smiling and waving, saying, "Hello! Hello!" They love that.

There's no real point to this post, it's just something cute and strange that my students do that I don't really understand. Roy is getting better about actually telling me something when he giggles and says, "Kate Teacher." I learned today that he has two mouse at home, and used the opportunity to teach him the plural: mice. Then, I asked him what color his mice were and he said red. I still don't think we're on the same page, but at least we're getting closer.