It's all uphill from here...

[Updated: hopefully not as mopey this time around. Also, this is by no means a version of me waving my hands saying, "Hey! Here I am - where are you?!" just me dealing with my own issues of "Whoa. What am I doing? Where am I? Who took my water bottle?" This too shall pass. I'm just overly emotional sometimes. Hah. Sometimes. That's silly. --Why is it so hard to do things that should seemingly come so easily like being nice to people even if you don't like them, or smiling and being cheery when it's in your job description? Life could be worse, and I'm in a pretty wonderful place - geographically - right now so I need to focus on that. I sang and whistled at work this morning so things are back to normal.]

Yesterday was by far the most emotionally draining day I've had since I've been here - that I've had in a while. I think I would've been okay had it not been for the Christmas music they have playing on repeat in the dining hall. Everything is "I'll be home for Christmas" this and "I'll have a blue Christmas without you" that. I've been away from home 15 months now, and I'm not going back for another five to six. My heart breaks a little each time I think of it like that. I cried a little on chair yesterday - and what do you know, I broke into tears and whimpers recalling that - awesome. I know, I know. I chose this for myself, and it's more than wonderful here - paradise, even! - and the work (if you can even call it that) is fun, although it can be so draining to be "on" all the time (especially working an 11-hour shift, but we’ll get to how I make it through the 6-10p in another post).

"WATER AEROBICS!" "BEACH VOLLEYBALL!" "LET'S GO WINDSURFING, EVERYBODY!!" or “HOW’R’BOUT SNORKELING, PEOPLE?!” Those sound awful, right? So I know I shouldn't be sad (I shouldn’t!), but I blame it on the 'tis the season nonsense and being a mopeyface in my darkened dorm room (sunshine is magic!). Anyway, after worrying that I'm fading from peoples' thoughts and memories back home I shook myself out of it and reminded myself that family will always be there, and so will the people who truly matter, and those people that do disappear, well, it was more than wonderful to have them in my life for a time, however short it may have been, and I’m thankful for the things I learned from them and the person they helped me become. I straightened myself up in my chair (by the way, no one was in my pool at the time - a few were off to the side - we're slow this week) and started thinking about all the people that I love and care about and I went through each person and sent peace and love out to them. Did you feel it? It made me so happy to go through people from all the different places I’ve been in my life, and feel so grateful to have so many people that mean a lot to me. Afterwards I remembered I should give some of that peace and loving to myself, too, and I felt much better after that. It actually ate up a lot of time, so that was another plus because watching an empty pool can be a bit mind-numbing.

In yoga, when you're doing strenuous poses or holding one for a longer breath count, you're to focus on the breath to get you through the difficulty and that in turn helps you breathe through difficult situations in life. In addition, one of my favorite podcasts to do is www.yogadownload.com's Metta Yoga (or "Loving Kindness" Power Yoga #4 -- FYI: do the podcasts because they're free, unless you want to pay - then hey, more power to you) where the instructor has you inventory all the people in your life in those that you have positive, negative and neutral feelings towards, and you send peace and love to them.

Basically, right now is really hard because I miss everyone so so so much (so much) and I have to hug myself because sometimes long hugs just aren't the same from strangers (they get weirded out when you try to nuzzle into their armpit), but it will get easier; I’m just having a harder time adjusting to this new change than I thought. I will find the balance between being the crazy Clubmate who makes guests' experiences here more enjoyable and the soul who can find quiet and calm time in solitude by the sea. I just need to focus on taking everything moment by moment, and when I miss someone send a little love their way. It's difficult right now, but I feel like I'm at the hump of it and it will only get easier from here. (Granted I'll probably cry a little bit every day, especially when Christmas songs about loved ones dancing around the tree come on, or as I watch "It's A Wonderful Life!," but six months is a short time in the scheme of things – and a lot of friends want to come visit now that I live on a tropical island! - I hope, and nothing worth doing is ever easy.)

Something for everyone to try and always remember:

(PS - the post's title is from "Due Date" and if you haven't seen it, you should. Very funny. Zach Galifianakis is a tour de force.)

But seriously, who took my water bottle? I wrote my name on it...

A Crystal Ball (of sorts)

I know I've said this before, but sometimes you need to get lost in order to find yourself. Today's been another weird day here on Guam with me trying to wrap my head around my new surroundings. I don't know what exactly drew me to it, but I felt the urge to look back on a previous me, and this is what I found... my five year plan that I wrote for my super senior semester's capstone class at the University of Missouri (December 2007). It overwhelmed me to see that I am in process of actually realizing my dreams (granted they get a little crazy towards the end, but we'll work on that when we get there), and surprised me that the now me is impressed by what the then me wrote. Sometimes getting to the place you want to go can be so difficult, but nothing worth doing or having is ever easy.

Maybe I do know what I want after all...

Oh, to be Young!

by Kate Schriner

            When I was nine, I believed I would be in Hollywood, seriously dating Jonathan Taylor Thomas and driving a red convertible - it didn't matter what kind - by the age of sixteen. At 22, none of these dreams have been realized. I’ve been writing and interested in theatre as far back as I can remember. I’ve also been in school for as long as I can remember. Now the formalized educational part of my life is coming to a close, and I am at a loss of what to do with myself. I have many plans; oh, I have plans that could fuel 1,000 dreams, but the reality of these plans coming to fruition is terrifying. People tell me that I control my own destiny, that with drive and determination I can do anything; that the world is my oyster, and the pearl is waiting. I feel I’m too young to be cynical, but I know that I am skeptical of what the future holds. I want to change the world, but I also realize that I am but one person on this populated planet and I’m seemingly going to have to stand in line wherever I go.

            It’s kind of sad that I didn’t realize the American Dream was a hoax until well into my sophomore year of college. Switching to a state university after attending a private school was a dramatic change that I took a while to accept. Throughout my years of education, my significance has paled to the numbers surrounding me; elementary, I was one of 50, middle school, one of 150, high school, one of 300, college, one of 35,000, and now the world, one in a billion, trillion, gazillion. I don’t even know. At the same time, I did accept the change, and I made it work for me so that my education fit my needs. Against all advice of my family members, I ecstatically became a Theatre major with an emphasis in playwriting, and happily, for Mom and Dad and Step-Dad and Step-Mom and Brother, a Sociology minor – at least I’ll have something to fall back on?

            Now the question: Where do I see myself in five years? What? Where do I see myself in one year, maybe, but I can barely think ahead to next week, let alone five years down the road. So much can change within a day, an hour, a minute, a second; a moment. I have no definitive answer as to what I will do, but I know what I would like to do; my ridiculous post-graduation plans included staying in Columbia, Missouri, because I have a lease on an apartment that runs until May.

While residing in a college town, no longer being a college student, I planned on holding two or more minimum wage positions at local establishments; I already work at Flat Branch, and maybe I’d pick up part-time at Starbuck’s so I can qualify for their health insurance, and then one other little thing on the side. When May rolls around, I would have already applied for multiple positions in theatre companies around the country, and maybe even outside the borders, for apprenticeships, or lower-level entry work – and maybe I’d even have some interviews by then, too.

I talked to my Dad last week (last week! I am guided to this realization) and he told me it was unacceptable for a college graduate to be working 2-3 minimum wage jobs at 60+ hours a week, barely scraping by and not making enough to cover student loan payments. It’s true. Why didn’t I think of that before? I didn’t expensively test my potential for 4+ years just to serve someone coffee and French fries; it’s not satisfying, and I don’t enjoy it. But, I also didn’t think I would have to establish myself at a well-paying, salaried, desk job just to foot the bills and find the means to do what I want to do. I’m scared of that desk job, because what if it’s so enticing, like waitress’ money, that the money’s too good to leave? Because I want to be an artist does that mean I have to be unhappy and/or struggling for a good portion of my adult life? I don’t know, maybe it will develop my work in ways I never thought possible.

Self-confidence: therein lies the problem, I think. I don’t think I know what I’m capable of, and I know I won’t know until I try. It’s just everything has been planned out for me up until the point of college graduation, and then, it’s a push out the door and “You’re on your own now, kiddo!” What? Wait! I’m not ready. I don’t know where to go; what if I choose the wrong path? Can I ever go back? Is there a right path? This is the rest of my life? It terrifies me, because I could seriously let myself down. Somehow, I have to make that my driving force; Russ Tutterow at Chicago Dramatists told me that if I don’t do something for myself, no one else will, it has to be me.

My horizons need to be expanded, I know that much. The bubble of Columbia has kept me sheltered long enough. I want to see the world, I’ve wanted to since I was a kid and found out that giant pyramids stand in an empty Egyptian desert, buildings and technology in China close out the forests and the Bamboo-eating Panda Bears that inhabit them, Roman cathedrals scrape the sky and touch God’s hand. And the people! There are so many people in this world, living so many different types of lives, and I want to experience them and I want to understand them, and tell their story, because if I don’t, who will?

            I think I can be an English teacher, for non-English speaking students. It would give me the chance to travel and have a stable income to help alleviate student loan debt, and not only travel, but have the ability to immerse myself in another culture. I never got the chance to study abroad during my undergraduate studies, and I feel like if I don’t go overseas now, I might never get the chance. Working and living abroad is one thing I know I would horribly regret if I don’t take advantage of it while I am young and able to make the move without being tied down by a family, or another job. Another thing I would like to do in my travels is explore the theatre cultures of other countries. Many artists were influenced and inspired by things they experienced in traveling outside of their cultural comfort zones, and who’s to deny me that same privilege? I sure won’t do it to myself.

               Looking into the five-year future of my crystal ball, I see myself alive and happy. I have a second language under my belt, whether it is Spanish, Chinese, or some country I didn’t even think about while writing this. I had a two-year overseas experience after graduating from the University of Missouri after taking four months prior to get my travel plans and finances in order. Upon my return to America, I used my knowledge and skills gained from my life abroad to acquire a salaried job at Leo Burnett, a leading marketing firm in Chicago. During the nights and weekends, I spent my time taking improv classes at The Second City (or iO) and volunteering at local theatre companies to help pay for my membership and repay their services in getting my scripts produced. I stayed in Chicago for another two years until I got an invitation to attend the Julliard School for all things theatre, performing and writing. And that’s where I am now. It took a long time, but with hard-work and perseverance, I made it back to the Big Apple, and once I graduate, I’m going to take the West Coast by storm and rip Hollywood a new one. And no one ever saw it coming, but it happened.
 --------------------------
OKay, so I'm re-reading this on September 12, 2011, making a few minor changes and thinking to myself, "My, I'm a rambler." And also, perhaps ESL Round Two, how do you do? There's more to be said, in less words, of course.

I'm Floating....

As silly as it may seem, I miss myself. I remember before I left for my solo travels, how everyone would tell me, "Oh! You're going to have such an amazing time, learning about yourself in a whole new context." and how much that frightened me. I didn't think I could handle me all to myself all the time. Of course it turned out to be wonderful, and as corny/weird as it may sound, I fell in love with myself. I don't think that has ever happened before, and I certainly didn't think it was possible. There were moments where I surprised myself in how excellently I dealt with a scary/frustrating situation, and there were equal and opposite moments where I didn't want to have anything to do with myself and couldn't believe my obnoxious/unnecessary behavior - I had some serious Sally Field moments sprinkled in the mix, which was good because it just reinforced the notion that you have to take/love the good with the bad, and [hopefully] they balance each other out.

[me in a hotel room in Delhi - I think this was the day that I met the Austrian artist at the breakfast cafe, and after having a conversation over art and India and chai, she asked me how I was so peaceful. I was stunned. Me? Peaceful. Are you serious, lady? I didn't say that of course, but looking back, I think that was just India. Peace. In my mind it was good, and easy to forgive - both myself and others.]

I think the most important thing that I learned is that you are the only person you will ever have in life - and I don't mean this to be morbid or depressing. People come and go all the time, family, friends, lovers, co-workers, neighbors, people you always seem to share the train car with, but you're the only one who remains - duh, right? But if you really think about it, it's kind of an emboldening (and daunting) thought: you'll never be alone, even if you might feel it physically; you have to be your mother, father, sister, brother, best friend, and lover all rolled into one. As nice as it is to have people who support you, they won't always be around, and you can't ever really depend on anybody but yourself - people are flawed (me/you included).

There were so many times I wanted someone to share all the experiences with while I was bouncing around Asia, but even if there was someone there, we weren't having the same thoughts or feelings, so can you ever really share an experience? You can share an event, but the things taken away are always different. A setting sun might be simply that to one person, while it means a whole slew of things for another.

I kind of feel like I'm floating aimlessly right now, not really sure what's happening. Since I got to Guam it's been a lot of go-go-go! and hardly (if any) time to myself (hence the me missing me thing) - it's so weird sharing a room, though, again I must say that I'm sooooooo lucky to have Sarah as a roomie as she's super-duper. Being with yourself is just like any other relationship that you have to make time for and put in an effort - and sometimes that's easier said than done - so I'm working on that. It's weird trying to understand myself in this new context of Guam... so pardon the scatter-brained-ness of this post.

I'm trying to forge my own path out here in this world as it's exciting, and most days I am excited about it, but some days I think "What the heck am I doing?! How is this going to help me in the long run?" I don't know what I want, and right now my Sybil selves aren't helping me out much, either. But then I have to take a breath and think about it, and deal with everything as it comes, because if I go back to two months ago, I was terrified about the traveling I did, but three weeks ago, when I was flying to Delhi from Mumbai, the man sitting next to me commented on how brave I was, and I thought, "Well, that's strange. I don't feel brave at all, I just did it because I wanted to." So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes the looming horizon looks scary, but you just have to take a breath, hold your hand and walk towards it, because when you get there it's usually more than you ever could've expected.


[Incubus' "Aqueous Transmission" off their Morning View album from 2001 - I used to love that band, and still have a great fondness for them as it's music from my younger youth. This song used to be my favorite of favorites, and I hadn't heard it in such a long time until I moved here and one of the yoga instructors had it on her class playlist. It brought me back, and I also feel like it's fitting at this time in my life - quite a lovely surprise, so I felt like sharing.]

Ghosties.

Oooh! Another thing I've been meaning to tell you. Guamanians... I was just going to ask if that was right, but I guess it is because there's no red squiggle underneath - weird. The people of Guam are very spiritual/superstitious - though I feel like this falls into the spiritual category - they believe that the souls/spirits/energies/ghosts of their ancestors inhabit the trees (Banyan, especially) on the island, so you have to be respectful and ask permission if you're going into the jungle, or if you need to relieve yourself out there by a tree, otherwise something bad will happen to you/you'll get sick. Apparently if they like you, they pinch you to let you know. Granted this is all hearsay and I've never experienced it myself, but I'm not dismissing it. Ghosts, spirits, energies... whatever you want to call them, I believe in them. When I was a kid, after my first dog, Jock died, I swore that I saw him chilling out on the stairs and it scared the crap out of me. Vivid imagination or actual sighting, who knows. Spirits, sharks and tornadoes are all something I want to experience in real life at safe distance, so maybe we'll check two of those off during this tour. I don't really like being pinched though. I also don't like being sick... so I guess I'll take getting pinched instead. I hope these spirits can't/don't read minds or read over shoulders, because I was a little iffy of their existence at first. My friend, Liz (used to work here; introduced me to the place; my yoga instructor back in the Chi) told me a story about how one night she saw a blue orb-like thing that started materializing into a man...

I don't really want to type about this before bed - I always get goosebumps on my arms and tears in my eyes when I hear creepy/scary stories. There was one that a bus counselor told me and my brother and the other bus kids on the ride to day camp when I was a kid... I can't remember all the details of the story. It was something pretty standard, like a group of campers and their 2 counselors went out of camp to spend the night in the surrounding woods. They had heard stories about the woods being haunted, or something, but ignored them and set up shop anyway. Throughout the night weird things kept happening, like chickens bawking or cats meowing, or dinosaurs or something, I don't know. Maybe one of the counselors went to go inspect, and then he didn't come back, and then they maybe went to sleep, but they woke up to noises and there was a gutted cat strung from one of the trees near their tent? I think they still had one counselor, and they ran back to their bunks only to feel like they were being chased and then when they got inside there was - let it be known that I'm having a hard time typing this out as I'm still visualizing this thing after at least 18 years - this gold-glowing horrifying face/mask thing floating in the window with black, gaping eyes that burned red and dagger-like teeth stained with blood - there were probably horns, too, and I think it killed/hung the gutted counselor rather than the cat, or maybe there was a cat and the counselor. Then the monster/ghoul probably killed everyone in the cabin... Like I said, I can't remember all the details, but I used to imagine that I would find this monster floating outside of my dad's 17th floor bathroom window (condo in JC, NJ), and I had a real hard time getting up and going to the bathroom in the middle of the night because I was convinced this monster also lived under my bed. This story was like the Blair Witch Project before the Blair Witch Project was the Blair Witch Project. Scary. Woods. Now I live pretty much in a haunted jungle, on a haunted island. I look forward to bringing positive energy to this place though, so I'm not so worried about it right now. I really disliked that bus counselor, by the by; he always told scary stories that were fun at first, but gave me nightmares months on end. Years. (When I was a camp counselor in Maine, I had to sleep on the top bunk - in the corner, surrounded by windows - first session, and right next to where the door opened second session. I fell asleep to Coldplay's "X&Y" album every night, with eyes shut tight before I was woken up by crying homesick children or the little girl who wet her bed pretty much nightly, and she cried, too, and groggily I would change her sheets before any of the campers got wise - counselors took turns, but that's a whole 'nother story.) I also remember being afraid of werewolves around that same time... I don't know if it's because of said counselor or because I was watching a lot of "Thriller."

With all that being written it's time to say g'night! Cross your fingers that no ghosty-faced monsters infiltrate my dreams, and I'll do the same for you and yours. Peace and love.

MAN! I just read the first page of this article and I'm really creeped out and Sarah's already asleep. GAAAAAAAH!! It's fine. It's fine. GAAAAH!!

Hafa Adai!!

"Hafa Adai" = "half-a-day" (I get so excited when I say it because it reminds me of having half days at school as a kid, and those were the best. Oh, it's a half'aday!! Wouldn't usually throw the 'a' in there, but I did so it related better to the comparison... which I might've just ruined by explaining, like when you have to explain a joke, or over-explain an explanation...)
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That's Guam's way of saying "Hello!" and I find myself saying it in upwards of 127 times a day. There's a 20 to 5 rule here - at 20 feet you make eye contact with the guest(s) and smile, and at five feet you give a greeting whether it be "Hafa adai" or if you know which country they're from, that greeting (do not under any circumstances assume where a guest is from, because you're probably wrong and it will offend them - I haven't done it, and I won't, but it's just something to know). Speaking of, I really need to brush up on my Korean questions/phrases.

This place is unreal; magically beautiful. I feel like I'm living in a dream. I'm getting paid to smile and sit/play/swim in the sun. Currently training and being overwhelmed with a bevy of information from each different area of the resort: waterpark (comprised of three different pools: slide; games - with a tug of war, roller log thing, bball and volleyball nets; and main - there's a water walk that's insanely hard for adults, you have these hardish foam pieces stringed together across the length of the pool and you have to run back and forth without falling off), racquet center (indoor racquetball and squash courts, indoor/outdoor tennis, indoor badminton, outdoor volleyball and bball courts, an archery range - I taught a lesson to a group of Taiwanese guests today, "Oh, xie xie!" and a ropes course), marine center (the beach: snorkeling, windsurfing, outrigger, sailing, sea kayaking, swimming...), scuba center (swim-thru aquarium, lap pool, and 20ft deep pool to get instructions on scuba diving), Kids' Club, and some other stuff I'm probably forgetting... there's also putt-putt golf and a trampoline that you get harnessed into and you can do flips and jump oh-so high that you touch the sky-sky-sky. Basically, it's awesome.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I haven't had that much time to myself. It's so strange to be sharing a room again, though I feel insanely lucky with my roommate, Sarah - she's super chill and really fun and easy to get along with, and she's 26 which is great because I feel like there are a lot of younger kids here who like to party all the time, and I'm just too old for that on the daily. A basic day is waking up around 6:30 or 7a to get a run in, or just get to bfast early and/or have time to catch people on chat/Skype (I'm 16 hours ahead of Chicago - 16!! That's insane. Is that right? 16!?!? And then 18 in front of my Cali friend - ooosh!!!), and then starting work and after work there's yoga and then dinner and maybe some game with the other people (last night we played an intense game of Walley Ball - like volleyball but it's in the racquetball court and you use the walls: awesome!) or talking/hanging out and then bed and then do it again. Although today I didn't start until 1pm and I went to yoga and did a tiny bit of Skyping and emailing before lunch and work. All in all, I'm still adjusting.

Swimming in the ocean is awesome because it's that crystal clear blue pool water, and it's really relaxing and waveless - because of being in a bay, the waves break really far out... I think because of all the coral, too? The only bad thing is that there are these giant sea slugs all over the floor. They're not murderously alien or anything, but they're just creepy to come down on after doing somersaults or coming into a handstand, or something.

I'm glad I have a calendar on my desk, otherwise I wouldn't know what day it is as they're already melting into one another. I need to do a better job of managing my own time and finding respite from this place, but I figure that will come in time, especially once training is through and I have my own schedule, but you can't really go through life saying, "Oh, I'll find time for this once that is finished." As the wise John once said, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." So I really need to work on making each day its very best.

This has nothing to do with anything, I just like it quite a lot, and maybe you'll think it's pretty neat, too:

A Continuation...

(...in terms of expanding on themes of the last post, and in the sense of continuing onward in this crazy life's journey.)

This past year and a few months has made me begin to wonder if I'm bound to wander for the rest of my days. From place to place I'll go, mainly avoiding the rain and snow. I've never been one to stay in a place for too long. I blame/credit (it depends on how you look at things... in this context, let's credit) my childhood split between two parents on opposing sides of the mighty Mississippi. During the school year I spent my days running through the cornfields of the Midwest, while summertime saw me shanking people in dark alleyways of the gritty Tri-State area. Every other Christmas usually found me on either coast, panicking and pizzaing my way down windy mountain passes while singing a strained version of The Beatles' "Help!" or picking oranges in my paternal grandmother's backyard for breakfast before a day at the bowling alley (in getting there, I remember as she got older she sat on a phone book to drive - or maybe she didn't, and I'm recreating my memory with someone else's story - and the sun would lighten the maroon interior to more of a pink, and I would stare in wide-eyed terror at the upward jutting bones in her wrists and worry that mine were going to grow and grow and grow just the same and I would have to have an operation to shave them down when I got older... Where were we?). It wasn't until college that I actually stayed in a state for a good majority of the year. Even freshman year didn't keep me in Chicago long as I moved back to Missouri in June. Let's just say it's in my blood (along with my great dislike of packing - despising it, even - and I think that goes under the 'blame' part of my childhood, though getting there was always half the fun... just the packing and unpacking process, because you knew a big change was about to happen, and it was such a pain, and I always over-packed or forgot something and both of those things are pains in themselves, and I really had a cohesive theme running in my mind for this post - I swear! Plans change.).

At the same time, I'm looking forward to settling down somewhere for (at least) a year or so when I get back to the States; working on getting established as some sort of paid writer (whether my name's in the byline or not) and saving up for my next journey abroad.

I'm enjoying the people I'm meeting in these places. Summer of 2005 I was a camp counselor in Maine, and I remember thinking how never had I ever been in a place with such a high concentration of cool/interesting people (outside of my family and homegrown friends - duh!). I felt the same in Korea, and I'm beginning to feel that way again here. Everybody is young and attractive and friendly and funny, and I think it's going to be a great 6ish (no, no, no - I won't re-sign for more! I need to go home one day... gotta let this life food digest) months. It's always nice to meet people that have things in common with you, right? The love of adventure and travel and an extraordinary opportunity, who won't settle for anything less than the best out of life = my kind of people. And so I am reminded, as I usually am many times a day in people watching/social interactions:

...they danced down the street like dingledodies, and I shambled after them as I've been doing all my life after the people who interest me, because the only ones for me are the mad ones, the ones mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" (Mr. Jack Kerouac's On the Road.)

Highlights of today: eating a CHEESE sandwich!!! (cheese is a bit scarce in Korea, but they have plates piled high here!! Buffet every day - whoamygosh!) and sea kayaking in the crystal clear calm waters. I'd think of more to ramble on about, but I need to get some gee-tar playing in before yoga at 6:30.

Training starts Friday!!

It's hot here. Like sweatstache hot - I've never been a sweatstache kind of person, so that's how you know it's hot hot. Yeah.

Guh-guh-GUAM!!

I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.

I made it! Safe and sound, and not really sleepy even though it's almost 4am here and I have to be up and cheery for a breakfast meeting. So much excitement! So much confusion! I'm happy to be here because it means that I get to quit moving from place to place. Oy! A bit tired, but completely wired... obviously - seeing as how I'm typing like a Leprechaun (proper noun?).

When I first arrived in Guam's dirty airport, circa 1987 (polar opposite of ICN's sleek terminals filled with duty frees of Gucci, Ferragamo, Swarovski, Cartier and the like, all in extra splendor from the G20 Summit) one of the customs guys asked me what I was doing here, and when I replied that I was working at this resort, he said "I hope you like swimming." And I DO! So that's good news.

My head is in a whirlwind trying to place myself on this planet. Like I said, it's good to be settled, even if the settling takes place in the staff quarters (read: dorm-like, service elevator entry) which is a hotel room. HOTELS!! There's a balcony, TV, fridge (though no cups, and I ran out of room, so I drank some water out of a coffee filter... WHAT!?), and a bed - which I am going to go toss and turn in until the sun comes up.

Here's a song that parts of remind me of what's happening right now


It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.

PS - it smells a bit weird in here, so we're going to have to do something to remedy that. An IcyHot sort of smell - mixed with mold, and I know it's not from my stuff. Good thing I bought all that incense in India!! And I always wanted to live in a hotel... granted this isn't exactly the Park Ave. penthouse that I had in mind, but it being on a tropical island when the rest of my former worlds have descended into a bitter winter, I think I'll manage.

Seriously - I think they cleaned the carpets with IcyHot. I wish I was joking. I really do.

Namaste, India.

India,

I'm leaving you. Our month together was [too] short, sweet, and anything but simple. You made me frustrated more times than I can count, and many times you made me want to cry out of lost in translation transportation confusion, but you were also kind and caring, and helped me grow in more ways than I thought possible.

The growing - that's what Seb said was the most important thing anyone can do for their partner in a relationship, and India, I think you're the same way; you pushed me places I never dreamed of going (at least at this stage in my life). You were there for me when I needed you. Yes, sometimes you were pushy beyond belief, and I don't know why you can't queue in line like everybody else. But more often than not you opened my eyes to new sights and experiences, and for that I am eternally grateful.

India. I'd like to see you again; to spend more time together, but one can never know what tomorrow will bring, so until then I can hope and I can pray, and wish and think about the sweet things we'll do together next time... but until then, know that you'll always hold a special place in my heart (and in my head wobble).

Love,
Kate


(the internet cafe I'm at isn't keen on video watching, but this one looks pretty awesome with the two John Denver's in one frame.)