Bangkok was a serious set of trials and tribulations, but all in all it was pretty awesome. On the 9th... what was that, Thursday? I went to the Vietnam Embassy, but walked past it and ended up having to wait two hours because I got there five minutes after they went to lunch - two hour lunch break!! Nice for them.
I spent the meantime wandering around the area and headed into Lumphini Park. It was a nice and quiet area, and the farther I walked, the more the traffic hushed and the crickets chirped and the crows cawed. I still wasn't used to being alone at that point and some of the thoughts I was thinking came spilling out of my mouth in murmurs, and well, let's just say I can kind of relate to those crazy homeless people on the streets. Probably not a good thing to feel or confess, but it's out there now.
(Welcome to my mind. The italics are usually ramblings from my travel log. Best of luck deciphering.)
I hummed and sang to myself as I walked to and around the park, occasionally murmuring things to myself and constantly battling between suppressing the sadness in my throat and keeping a happy head on my shoulders.
As I wandered, I passed by an older man who called,
"Good afternoon! How are you?" breaking my silent sadness.
"I'm alright, and how are you?" I called back, my voice trembling.
"Come here. Sit with me, talk with me."
I walked over, obliging to his request.
"Hello." I said as I folded my skirt and sat on the stone bench.
"Hello. Where are your friends?" he asked, smiling. "Did you lose them?"
"No," I said, removing my sunglasses. "I'm here alone."
"Ooh!" he exclaimed, clasping his hands. "You are very brave."
I smiled weakly. "I don't feel that way."
"What. What is wrong?"
"I'm lonely and sad," I said softly, trying to quell the rising pinch in my throat.
"No, no. You should not be!" He said, his smile growing wider.
"You are in Bangkok! Welcome to Thailand! This city is full of friendly people. A pretty young lady like you should not be so sad. You should smile and enjoy. You are young. You are free!"
I did smile at this.
"Good! Pretty lady, go. Enjoy my city!"
Okay, so that didn't really happen, but an old man sitting in the shade really did call out a greeting, but I'm not so sure we could've had that conversation given that after I replied he called the same thing again... maybe he just had bad hearing, then again, maybe not. I'll never know.
I wish I had someone to lean on, laugh with and hold my hand, but I'll just have to make due with myself. If only "Multiplicity" were real, I would clone myself as a travel buddy.
I suppose it's good for me to be alone, to be my only company and comfort, (but that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck and isn't hard) because in life, though there are loved ones, we are the only ones we have from the beginning to the end.
(GROOOOOOOOOOOOSS!! I just looked down at my legs and my shins erupted into these disgusting heat bubbles or something from my Boracay roasting.)
I will be okay! As Doris Day and my father sang to me, "Que sera, sera."
Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing will be alright.
CRAZY THING!! There are kimodo dragons, or some huge lizards in this pond/lake! I saw one in the water and thought it was a log, then a croc, but I followed it with my eyes, and it crawled up on the land and is now walking toward a man!
On the metro this morning it took all I had holding my hands together not to shake: a combo of nerves and too much coffee (brewed coffee!!!), I think.
Be brave. Be strong. The soul called to itself.
Later that day...
Wowzas!! I sure am being a wet blanket on myself today. Liz said the quote, "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone" to me. Well, if you're laughing by yourself the world will just think you're straight up ca-ra-zy!! Man.
Even later... on Khao San Road (traveler tip: you want to book a hostel here! I wish I had, but upon reflection, the loneliness was a necessity to endure.) = BABES GALORE!! Beautiful international men every which way, I'm reminded of the song, but applicable to me. Definitely creeping as I ate my pad thai (IN THAILAND!) and scribbled in my gornal (Paul Rudd, "Wet Hot American Summer" reference). Khao San is like the Boracay of BKK, harassing vendors to the max!
Amidst the noise and energy of Khao San Road, I found myself wondering how so many solo travels make it look so easy, wanting to approach each one of them, but drawing back at the last moment. Here's a list I made of the PROs and CONs of solo travel.
PRO: you can go where you want to, you can leave your friends behind, because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance well, they're no friends of mine.
CON: I miss my friends - and they're really good dancers, too.
CON: I need social interaction.
CON: friends are way better than a conscience.
PRO: you don't have to worry about who's got the next bill.
CON: no splitting room tabs and no shared sense of "Wait. Which way do we go?"
PRO: you can make new friends... somehow. Maybe through magic - I'm not really sure how this works.
CON: drinking alone makes one look like an alcoholic, or wannabe Ernest Hemingway.
PRO: you can sit wherever you want because you only need one seat - no arguing who needs it more, just go ahead and take it!
CON: no one to talk to/people think you're crazy when thoughts become mumbles.
CON: alone you look super sad (at least I'm sure I do, what with wearing my heart on my face and all)
CON: you feel like bursting into tears multiple times a day.
PRO: Indian men want to read your astrology, "You have a lucky face."
And the CONs take it by a landslide, folks!! And the crowd... falls into an awkward hush.
Oh! Woe is the girl who travels a portion of the world by herself. How unlucky! How cruel is this great wide world. WAH! WAH! WAH! They shout. Grow a pair of ovaries!! HAVE A GOOD TIME! Just try. For the love of God and all those living vicariously through you, just. try.
True story: I ended up crying a bit on the bus back to the hostel. I didn't mean to. It was harder than I thought it would be to approach people on the street. I tried on a necklace and this teary-eyed sad girl looked at me in the mirror, embarrassed and ashamed I put it back and went on my way. The bus cry was more of a few stray tears falling down my cheeks, the ones that I could not blink away. No weeping, keening or sobbing, just silent sadness.
It feel weird to write about all this sadness and loneliness, as I'm currently writing this in Chiang Mai - after I've met some incredible people at my hostel. But during those two days alone in Bangkok (day one more so than day two) it felt like it was never ending, and it was awful. Turns out that I like people, and I like talking. Who'da thunk it!?
I spent the meantime wandering around the area and headed into Lumphini Park. It was a nice and quiet area, and the farther I walked, the more the traffic hushed and the crickets chirped and the crows cawed. I still wasn't used to being alone at that point and some of the thoughts I was thinking came spilling out of my mouth in murmurs, and well, let's just say I can kind of relate to those crazy homeless people on the streets. Probably not a good thing to feel or confess, but it's out there now.
(Welcome to my mind. The italics are usually ramblings from my travel log. Best of luck deciphering.)
I hummed and sang to myself as I walked to and around the park, occasionally murmuring things to myself and constantly battling between suppressing the sadness in my throat and keeping a happy head on my shoulders.
As I wandered, I passed by an older man who called,
"Good afternoon! How are you?" breaking my silent sadness.
"I'm alright, and how are you?" I called back, my voice trembling.
"Come here. Sit with me, talk with me."
I walked over, obliging to his request.
"Hello." I said as I folded my skirt and sat on the stone bench.
"Hello. Where are your friends?" he asked, smiling. "Did you lose them?"
"No," I said, removing my sunglasses. "I'm here alone."
"Ooh!" he exclaimed, clasping his hands. "You are very brave."
I smiled weakly. "I don't feel that way."
"What. What is wrong?"
"I'm lonely and sad," I said softly, trying to quell the rising pinch in my throat.
"No, no. You should not be!" He said, his smile growing wider.
"You are in Bangkok! Welcome to Thailand! This city is full of friendly people. A pretty young lady like you should not be so sad. You should smile and enjoy. You are young. You are free!"
I did smile at this.
"Good! Pretty lady, go. Enjoy my city!"
Okay, so that didn't really happen, but an old man sitting in the shade really did call out a greeting, but I'm not so sure we could've had that conversation given that after I replied he called the same thing again... maybe he just had bad hearing, then again, maybe not. I'll never know.
I wish I had someone to lean on, laugh with and hold my hand, but I'll just have to make due with myself. If only "Multiplicity" were real, I would clone myself as a travel buddy.
I suppose it's good for me to be alone, to be my only company and comfort, (but that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck and isn't hard) because in life, though there are loved ones, we are the only ones we have from the beginning to the end.
(GROOOOOOOOOOOOSS!! I just looked down at my legs and my shins erupted into these disgusting heat bubbles or something from my Boracay roasting.)
I will be okay! As Doris Day and my father sang to me, "Que sera, sera."
Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing will be alright.
CRAZY THING!! There are kimodo dragons, or some huge lizards in this pond/lake! I saw one in the water and thought it was a log, then a croc, but I followed it with my eyes, and it crawled up on the land and is now walking toward a man!
On the metro this morning it took all I had holding my hands together not to shake: a combo of nerves and too much coffee (brewed coffee!!!), I think.
Be brave. Be strong. The soul called to itself.
Later that day...
Wowzas!! I sure am being a wet blanket on myself today. Liz said the quote, "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone" to me. Well, if you're laughing by yourself the world will just think you're straight up ca-ra-zy!! Man.
Even later... on Khao San Road (traveler tip: you want to book a hostel here! I wish I had, but upon reflection, the loneliness was a necessity to endure.) = BABES GALORE!! Beautiful international men every which way, I'm reminded of the song, but applicable to me. Definitely creeping as I ate my pad thai (IN THAILAND!) and scribbled in my gornal (Paul Rudd, "Wet Hot American Summer" reference). Khao San is like the Boracay of BKK, harassing vendors to the max!
Amidst the noise and energy of Khao San Road, I found myself wondering how so many solo travels make it look so easy, wanting to approach each one of them, but drawing back at the last moment. Here's a list I made of the PROs and CONs of solo travel.
PRO: you can go where you want to, you can leave your friends behind, because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance well, they're no friends of mine.
CON: I miss my friends - and they're really good dancers, too.
CON: I need social interaction.
CON: friends are way better than a conscience.
PRO: you don't have to worry about who's got the next bill.
CON: no splitting room tabs and no shared sense of "Wait. Which way do we go?"
PRO: you can make new friends... somehow. Maybe through magic - I'm not really sure how this works.
CON: drinking alone makes one look like an alcoholic, or wannabe Ernest Hemingway.
PRO: you can sit wherever you want because you only need one seat - no arguing who needs it more, just go ahead and take it!
CON: no one to talk to/people think you're crazy when thoughts become mumbles.
CON: alone you look super sad (at least I'm sure I do, what with wearing my heart on my face and all)
CON: you feel like bursting into tears multiple times a day.
PRO: Indian men want to read your astrology, "You have a lucky face."
And the CONs take it by a landslide, folks!! And the crowd... falls into an awkward hush.
Oh! Woe is the girl who travels a portion of the world by herself. How unlucky! How cruel is this great wide world. WAH! WAH! WAH! They shout. Grow a pair of ovaries!! HAVE A GOOD TIME! Just try. For the love of God and all those living vicariously through you, just. try.
True story: I ended up crying a bit on the bus back to the hostel. I didn't mean to. It was harder than I thought it would be to approach people on the street. I tried on a necklace and this teary-eyed sad girl looked at me in the mirror, embarrassed and ashamed I put it back and went on my way. The bus cry was more of a few stray tears falling down my cheeks, the ones that I could not blink away. No weeping, keening or sobbing, just silent sadness.
It feel weird to write about all this sadness and loneliness, as I'm currently writing this in Chiang Mai - after I've met some incredible people at my hostel. But during those two days alone in Bangkok (day one more so than day two) it felt like it was never ending, and it was awful. Turns out that I like people, and I like talking. Who'da thunk it!?
You are a pretty lady and "go. Enjoy my city." You are also so brave.
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